New Beginnings

Wow it's been a long time since I've posted! So here is an update. I'm now 21. Just turned so yesterday. My daughter is now a little over 8 months old. She is getting so super big! There has been a lot going on in my life for the past months. I lost my job back in October and I'm still in the process of finding another one. Yes I know it's been awhile and I'll be the first to admit I slacked off on getting one. I'm living with one of my friends J again. My life has sorta been in an extended stall pattern since I lost my job. I got a really big wake up call a couple of days ago though. My best friend in the whole world decided she was sick of me wasting my life away and is sick of it. She wants me to change my life before she will talk to me again. Along with that she introduced me to this amazing man that happened to be her fiance's best friend. We hit it off from the day that we met. So we started seeing each other and it was a whole different world. It got me out of my normal circle of drama filled people and he showed me that I really could be truly happy again. He's treated me better than anyone has ever treated me before. He makes me feel like I can move the world if I wanted too. But I messed up... go figure I'm good at that... I depended on my ex- to help me out with some money to pay my phone bill until I got my income tax return back. Big mistake. He offered I didn't ask but when he offered the only thing that jumped into my mind is that I would be able to talk to my new bf again. That's all I cared about. Nothing else was on my mind. My new bf TJ was coming down for the weekend the next day last Friday... and so I really didn't need my phone back on at that moment... but I did it anyway. I never should have and I'm suffering the repercussions from doing it now. My bf TJ won't barely talk to me neither will my bestest best friend in the entire world. They want to see me get my life back on track, and MAYBE then they will give me another chance. I hope to god that they will. It's really opened my eyes to what I've been doing... Nothing. I could be doing so much more for me and my daughter. I spent my 21st birthday at home. Not drinking. My baby was with her biological father and his fiance for the night. I was a wreck. My bf wouldn't come see me on my birthday and my best friend is so mad at me I hate it. I spent most of the night crying watching sappy girlie movies. Lame I know. TJ finally talked to me this morning about how he felt about all of it though and I am making changes already. I am going to look at a new apartment tomorrow and I have to call on a couple of job interviews. I can't wait. No one thinks I can turn my life around and change. But that's one thing that I can't stand. Being told I can't do something when I know I can. I can't wait for the reaction. I'm going to change everything and prove to everyone that I'm a changed person. Prove to myself that I can do it. I can't wait to finally have my own place again and do whatever whenever I want. Getting a job is going to help me big time too. I don't like being away from my baby but I have too.

Wish me luck. I'm hoping to have a job and apartment by the end of the week. At the very latest the 21st. I hope that everything will work out with me and TJ and my best friend and her family. I'm willing to do anything to make it happen I just hope it's enough. I'll post again soon.